Oh, Edward.

Before I start let me lay down some important points:

Yes, I have read Twilight.

Yes, I have seen both movies.

Yes, Edward is sexy when he broods and Jacob is hunky, I will not attempt to deny the silent squeal of delight I felt jump up in my chest as he ran about with no shirt and those tight... tight... *ahem* jean shorts.

Yes, there is appeal in the idea that your beauty can tame a painfully handsome and dangerous man. It will be a wonderful, romantically dramatic affair that ultimately ends in passionate, mind blowing hankypanky and a happily ever after. That sounds like the daydream of many women, myself included. (Hey now, don't judge me.)


BUT


No, I do not think Twilight has any standing in respectable Vampire Literature.

No, no, no, no, no Vampires do NOT shine and glisten in the sunlight.

They charr up and burn. That's just how it is. A gruesome death fitting for someone/something that gets to live forever otherwise.



Here is a list I got from Wired.com. It's a bit heavy handed, but it does have some good points:

1) If a boy is aloof, stand-offish, ignores you or is just plain rude, it is because he is secretly in love with you — and you are the point of his existence.

2) Secrets are good — especially life-threatening ones.

3) It’s OK for a potential romantic interest to be dimwitted, violent and vengeful — as long as he has great abs.

4) If a boy tells you to stay away from him because he is dangerous and may even kill you, he must be the love of your life. You should stay with him since he will keep you safe forever.

5) If a boy leaves you, especially suddenly (while telling you he will never see you again), it is because he loves you so much he will suffer just to keep you safe.

6) When a boy leaves you, going into shock, losing all your friends and enduring night terrors are completely acceptable occurrences — as long as you keep your grades up.

7) It is extremely romantic to put yourself in dangerous situations in order to see your ex-boyfriend again. It’s even more romantic to remember the sound of his voice when he yelled at you.

8) Boys who leave you always come back.

9) Because they come back, you should hold out, waiting for them for months, even when completely acceptable and less-abusive alternative males present themselves.

10) Even though you have no intention of dating an alternative male who expresses interest in you, it is fine to string the young man along for months. Also, you should use him to fix things for you. Maybe he’ll even buy you something.

11) You should use said male to fix things because girls are incapable of anything mechanical or technical.

12) Lying to your parents is fine. Lying to your parents while you run away to save your suicidal boyfriend is an extremely good idea that shows your strength and maturity. Also, it is what you must do.

13) Car theft in the service of love is acceptable.

14) If the boy you are in love with causes you (even indirectly) to be so badly beaten you end up in the hospital, you should tell the doctors and your family that you “fell down the steps” because you are such a silly, clumsy girl. That false explanation always works well for abused women.

15) Men can be changed for the better if you sacrifice everything you are and devote yourself to their need for change.

16) Young women should make no effort to improve their social skills or emotional state. Instead, they should seek out potential mates that share their morose deficiencies and emotional illnesses.

17) Girls shouldn’t always read a book series just because everyone else has.

18) When writing a book series, it’s acceptable to lift seminal source material and bastardize it with tired, overwrought teenage angst.

19) When making or watching a major feature film, you should gleefully embrace the 20 minutes of plot it provides in between extended segments of vacant-eyed silence and self-indulgent, moaning banter.

20) Vampires — once among the great villains of literature and motion pictures — are no longer scary. In fact, they’re every bit as whiny, self-absorbed and impotent as any human being.


Just food for thought I suppose.

http://www.wired.com/underwire/2009/11/twilight-lessons-girls-learn/